THERE is a brutally honest piece on the Daily Mail website by journalist Lauren Booth, who lives in the Dordogne, about the pressures of life in France.
Lauren writes about the difficulties of her having to work in the UK a few times a month, whilst her husband, who suffered a motorbiking accident that has left him unable to drive, stays back in France looking after their home and two children.
The piece pulls no punches about French life, saying that isolation, the strain of repairing an old house and lack of language skills has slowly eroded their relationship.
The family has lived in the Dordogne for around six years, I remember meeting Lauren, her children and grandfather near Fumel in 2004, and they were ready to ‘live the French dream’.
But as Lauren writes that dream has turned into a real battle, with her husband turning to a glass of wine a little too often, Lauren having to balance the books as the financial crisis has seen her income fall and the cost of flights and travel increase.
Lauren holds her hands up and admits that there was a ‘reality gap’ in their plans, especially as things beyond the family’s influence hit their way of life.
Her husband, Craig, was becoming increasingly isolated and after his accident, with limited French language skills, arguments over the sharing of tasks would flare up, he even looked at the possibility of a divorce.
I am sure Lauren’s story rings a few bells with people, especially those who have moved here with younger children, but those who have retired to France also face difficulties.
Just this week I was speaking to a retired civil servant who said that due to changes in the exchange rate he and his wife were now £300 a month worse off.
Whilst a woman explained that she would return to the UK tomorrow if it was left up to her as she missed her grandchildren so much.
And younger families, hoping to make a success of a move to France, need to be very resourceful to generate an income, especially if they live in the countryside.
Lauren finishes her piece worried that her children will miss the French countryside, but when she speaks to her daughter she replies that the chance to spend evenings with her mother is the most important thing (via @Off2France).
How big was the ‘reality gap’ between your thoughts on a move to France and your experience of day-to-day life here? Please feel free to leave a comment below.
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Comments
9 responses to “The ‘reality gap’ in a move to France”
It’s so typical of this kind of article (especially when run by the foreigner-loathing Mail) that there is an implication that France is somehow to blame, that there are intrinsic shortcomings with France, and even its landscape! The truth is, the failure is on the part of people who don’t do their research, have unrealistic expectations and don’t have the self-sufficiency or self-awareness to make a life for themselves in the (well-known and widely documented) isolation of the French countryside.
I wholeheartedly agree with what you say Steve, unrealistic expectations and not having the self sufficiency.
I do not know how many Brits I have come across over here with this strange idea of wanting to move abroad,for the so called French life with all they think the dream offers, but oddly enough one of the partners having to work back in the UK to finance it and leaving the partner left back in France in isolation.
Would the same people live in the UK and then constantly go over to France to find work to finance it
There is a tendency to “blame France” in these circumatnces, but to be fair to Ms Booth I think she’s done well to avoid the bitterness and hurt she must feel.
Having lived here for seven years now, I think the most major underestimate people make of what they will need to survive is language and her piece bears this out.
I get irritated when I hear about the “dream:” life in France as in incomer is very much about reality.
Thanks for the comments guys,
As you’ve maybe picked up from my piece, I do have sympathy for Lauren Booth and her family, their dramatic change in circumstances over the past 12 months can’t have failed to have an impact.
Although I agree with Jon that the importance of having at least passable French language skills can’t be overstated.
All the best, Craig
Yes, yes yes. Learn the language, and mainly don’t be taken in by the dream life shown in TV programmes, which have no responsibility for what happens after the ‘glass of wine on the terrace’ fantasy has faded forever (probably after the first large bills come in and the currency rate goes down). We’ve had properties in France for the last decade, and have seen the Gadarene rush to get in on a rising market which was bound to crash at some point. (Future reference:This happens in markets.It will happen again.) Ms Booth (Cherie’s half sister as I remember) has documented her disenchantment with France and the soured relationship in several articles and on social network sites over the past 2 years. It’s sad for anyone in this position. But I agree totally, it’s nothing to do with France. It’s to do with the mindset of people who seek the impossible, escape from themselves.
Also, consider how many times British people complain of foreigners that they can’t even be bothered to learn the language. Same difference I fear, with all the attendant problems.
Hi Gina, thanks for your message and for passing on some useful advice to others who may be thinking of moving to France.
All the best, Craig
OK not everyone has great luck, which certainly plays a significant part in everyone’s success in France, but my sympathy is reduced when I read that the husband was ‘Five times over the French legal drink drive limit’. That could have been one of our kids that got killed, with him ending up in prison, which would make the story read a bit differently I think.
Seems to me that it is a mistake not to put great effort into learning the language – the rural French are very friendly but like to be met halfway – by some linguistic competence. Personally, I’d choose somewhere on the edge of a small town to try to avoid exactly this problem of isolation.
And I’d stay off the bike if I’d had more than a couple…
“The French Dream”. Too many hours in the wet and cold UK, watching ridiculous ‘French House Bashing’ programmes on TV. Any move – even to such a UK proximate coutry as France requires enormous amounts of research, planning as well as finance. Not much good getting here, only to find you can’t actually afford the wine and cheese (and property!) you dreamed about. Dreams are just dreams; by definition, they have nothing whatsoever to do with reality. The exchange rate (here with us forever, I’m afraid) makes essential items, on the whole, substantially more expensive than in the UK. My food bills bear testimony to that. Once here, reality kicks in very quickly and the French bureaucratic system has to be experienced to be believed (Faulty Towers, look out). For all you ‘French Dreamers’, quit dreaming and start serious research before you take the leap. Otherwise, it may well be a painful landing here and a very painful way home.